Sitting in Morgan's room, it's beginning to dawn on me that the new year is arriving. We leave behind all that we've accomplshed in 2009 and bring it to 2010. Sometimes, I don't feel like moving ahead because of the struggles that I know are coming. But you know...what do ya do? This is probably the only time I get to hear fireworks on streets. And I don't drink, so I can remember this night. Although there was something in the ice cream we ate :-) I hate to see the passing of the winter seasons because it mean that we'll be having more humidity and cloudy skies. I really wanted to see the sun more often here. "Sunshine state" my ass. I wish I could be bunndled up like this forever.

I wish I could hold on to this cold and blue skies forever. It's hard to enjoy it when you know it's not gonna last. Maybe for a couple days or so. But anyway, I found the perfect color to paint my room and it's coming along quite nicely. While cleaning out some dusty folders, I found some hidden treasures from middle school and younger. Pictures...notes...journals. I have to say, I was completely self-absorbed and materialistic back then. Always about someone else or gossip like that. Not to say that I've changed at all...maybe just a bit more in focus of the more important things.

PRIME PRIME PRIME! Is that all anyone ever thinks about? Prime numbers, prime ribs, prime what-ever! Prime seems so perfect. So hard to get to. Evens are where it's at. It's simple, elegant, and lovely.

"Do you like scary movies?"

Why yes. Yes I do.

I keep remembering that one time in middle school our "group" went to go see Across the Universe. I can't remember the exact seating chart, but it was Me, Rozzelle, Gretchen, Crystal, Dawson, Cody, Desiree, Ally, Robert, Nikita....maybe eric? Gosh. Sorry If i excluded anyone, but wow. What a day that was. And probably one of the best.

Today I decided to watch one of my favorite old cartoons, Code Lyoko. Although the lines are cheesy, the plot line is a little shabby, and since it's french, the characters words doesn't match up with their lips, it's still fun to watch.

Hoping to find an answer, I look to my past. I can't help but keep this protective shield over my-self. It keeps the emotion in and the good feelings out. So pretty much, I'm just a huge mess. And apparently, I'm a bad influence.

Dear hd t.v

Your not leading anyone one. He just doesn't get it. Just remember the date. Remember the date.

I wish I could write plays like the greek. Years and years after I'm dead, high schoolers are going to be deciphering my words. If only....

When I look around at people, i always wonder why they do certain things. Why did you say that when you know its wrong? Sure you look cool, but was it worth it? Why did you wear that? Were you going for comfortble and casual? Did you lose a bet? All questions my mind doesn't allow me to answer. Which leads me to ask, do you really know who you're talking to?

I want to stop myself from talking, but the words flow out like polluted water.

Our old chorus class. Beast.

Feeling nostalgic never felt so painful. I wish we could go back to the days when we never smoked or never cared what other people thought about what we do. It's hard to keep up an image, you know? Why not just do and feel in the moment? God. Fuck everyone! Really! It's hard enough to survive in high school, but you all are just adding to the shit on top of other shit piled on more shit that just is.....is....unnecessary! Please...Can't we just act like we used to and give each other piggy back rides while we scream random phrases at passing cars? Or maybe make ice cream sundaes and sit outside and enjoy the night. The past has a lot to do with it.

Stone Pit

For some reason, I've been really tired lately. I went to go to the doctors to see what's up and more than anything, they told me I lost 5 pounds in the last 6 months. From an healthy 115 to a risky 110. Esh. One of the nurses told me that was a gift. Although, I was reading it as more of a curse. Whatever. Maybe it's my body's way of telling me "Get in shape you loser!!" If so, my body is smarter than I give it credit for. 4th period has never been more exciting. 40 steps started to play from Hudlie's phone and the WHOLE class started coughing. Now that's one rule of teens I agree with, even though it didn't really help. I think I'm gonna miss my 4th hour class more than any of my other classes when the semester changes. But anyway, the party is actually coming together quite nicely within the time we had. Poor Tyler and Jon are going to be the only guys there. Sorry awkward kid in photo. Crystal's cake is Triple Chocolate and Mine is Vanilla. Than made me smile a little. Still don't know what I'm going to wear. Jeans and a Tee? Maybe I'll try to look for a purple hoodie. I've been looking for one of those after listening to Cobra Starship. Good stuff.

I'm so excited about the rest of this week!

Thurday: Checking out Tyler's fire pit for the party (December 12th. YES!) and Gretchen might be giving out invites to the party. And (to my delight) dollar tree decoration shopping with Hudlie.

Friday: Girlscouts at Walmart picking out gifts for the Children Home Society. And waiting on a interesting text. As well, "Light Up Cooper City."

Saturday: More decoration shopping and cake shopping with Crystal and the gang.

Sunday: Kaylee is dying my hair (Jet black with red streaks) and searching the mall for the perfect V-neck.

A lot of things can happen in one period. Damn I need to calm down.